Secret Activity Lover Gifts

This is Mort Park with breaking news. According to this reporter's secret source … Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell … secretly … watches Dr. Pimple Popper. Scandal!

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'You've got to help me, Doc! I've got a crush on St. Valentine all Year!!'

'I'm sorry you've seen me, now I'll have to kill you.'

'Will you be my Valentine?'

Pete was too shy to tell Jenny how he really felt about her instead he just sent flowers over the internet.

Company Ink.

No one ever discovered Mad Jake's secret: he was taking a correspondence course in interior decoration.

Colay's glass bottom boat tours!

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

Red Letter Days - 'Farewell my love! ... Since you now love me, there is now nothing which can cloud our happiness! ...'

"Do you suppose Beatriz looks over here and sees a hardworking young man who's maybe a little shy, a little handsome, but who thinks she's totally cool?"

Gigolo Diary

"Great-now everybody at work is going to know."

Private Jet

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

'They transferred me from catering because I kept spilling the beans.'

Galoots in cahoots

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

Someone carries a torch for you!

Secret Service, sign saying: 'You could be here.'

Catching each other's gaze.

Dog slides down banister

Government "Information" Agency.

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

"Take it easy—that's just Lynn back with the orange juice."

Discreet Shipping

Let the good times roll.

CIA, 'Chief, I've got a lead on Victoria's Secret!'

I Was Married to Banksy.

Listen up, Mort Park. I'm going to reveal a major secret for your news radio show. Do tell. First, you've to promise you won't reveal who I am. I need to be protected. And if I refuse? I wont tell you who whisper whisper whisper … Oh, now that is naughty! To be continued …

"So what's the deal? Why did Cruz call me your girlfriend?"

"Of course I could tell you more about the job...but then I would have to kill you!"

Valerie thrived in an internet community that had no idea she was a chicken...

Plug sends hearts to the socket it's near.