Seasonal Style Guru Gifts

'I feel like a right idiot in this jumper.'

"As soon as the leaves turn, my hair goes crazy."

You pines should get rid of the needles --- those things are ridiculous! You're still wearing all green --- nobody with any style wears all green in autumn! My colors are their peak! People come from miles around to see me! My limbs are bare, but it the spring I'll get a new wardrobe, and you'll be wearing the same old thin! That guy "leaves" but he never goes away! (Published originally on October 16, 2011.)

"Darling, it's so this season."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

A women in a shoeshop.

"Absolutely not!"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Keeping warm.

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

At the suit makers

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'Do you like my little black number?'

Mr Metrosexual.

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"That shirt is so last year."

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

His and Her wardrobe's

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

A Snowman checking out some products for blacken his teeth

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."