Seasonal Joke Collector Pillows

"Fruitcake?""I'm stuffed."

"I smell carrots."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Suffering from Cooties?

Useless add-ons.

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

My daddy ate my homework

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Cheating Death.

Shark infested custard!

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You MAY feel a teeny-tiny pin-prick..'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."