Seasonal Humor Gifts

'The Groundhog tests have come back. I'm afraid you only have six weeks to live.'

Festive lurgy

"I am doing something about all the snow. I'm hoping for an early spring."

'You guys hear about Ethel and Bob? Apparently they got used for eggnog.'

'Is that the water authority? Can I use my hosepipe to pump out the basement?'

Snowman Romance

"Yessss!! Today is my lucky day!!!"

"There's a big, hairy thing at the door? Funny - Halloween is over!"

'To be honest I'm not having a great winter. But I had a great fall!'

I hate autumn!

Melted Snowmen for Sale.

Suggestion # 23 for hiring a heating repairman: Don't hire one who really enjoys the cold.

"Oi! You little fucker!"

Hey, I told you - Keep sticking your nose in other people's business, and one day it's stay that way.

Ahh, Spring! A time of growth, a time of green, a time for birdies to be seen. A time for hope across the land, a time for hankies close at hand! Aah! CHOO!

"OK. You can wait until the last drop melts before you get on the scale."

"These chilly autumn afternoons remind me of what a witch you can be."

"This is the only time of the year when we get to hit the children."

"Little help?"

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"I love this time of year."

'It's a snow mobile.'

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"So, are you predicting an early spring?"

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

Snooze Alarm for Mole.

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Relax, it's purely a seasonally affected disorder.'