Seasonal Gardener Gifts

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

Beginning Yarder.

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Every year about this time...Tia Carmen gets back to her roots."

Easter Egg Delivery

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

Getting Rid of the Cure

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

Grow damn you!

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? The irises clash with the roses! Peonies?! Here? What was I thinking? No! Not aphids already! Psycho gardening disorder.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

'What do you expect? It's not summer anymore.'

"I don't get it. As the Easter Bunny you're really busy for one day of the year. What do you do with the rest of your time?"

Post-Season's Greetings: 'Y'know...a month ago, everyone was all, 'Let me buy you a drink, Santa!' Now suddenly it's, 'Who's the little weirdo in the red suit?'...'

"Waitress's Day Off""

'This corner of the garden's a bit of a subtropical micro-climate actually...'

Autumn equinox - plant bulbs for spring equinox

'I like to think of myself as a lunar landscape gardener.'

Snow Cones 50 Cents - self serve.

"I must have been frozen -- is this the future?"

"You only work 1 day a year. You can't call in sick!"

'We have praying mantises. They're good for the garden as long as they don't pray for the spinach.'

"No man should have to work on Christmas every year!"

"Check out this app. It let's you substitute other vegetables for your nose."

"I was going to mow the lawn, but I pulled three muscles trying to start the mower. It's been a long winter."

'All these gloves I got for Christmas make great frost protectors.'