Seasonal Festivities Gifts

Hoo Hoo Hoo Merry Christmas!

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Turkey regarding hand-shaped turkey: 'Hold it! I can spot a fake anywhere!'

Santa Baby.

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Night of the Latkes

Elfie Stick

Happy Easter

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Dancing in pyjamas

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'Awesome mummy costume!' 'I'm a pirate! Some kids just TPed me...'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Santa does a keg stand.

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Christmas Pets