Seasonal Adjuster Gifts

Eco club can't start a garden at school because everything ripens in the summer. That's funny. Our school calendars started so kids can help on the farm. We should run schools all year-round. Students have a solution, too! We're picking a different eco-project.

"Happy Gnu Year!"

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

Easter Egg Delivery

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

Entering Vermont, No Artificial Coloring

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

Vernal Pond: Here today. . . gone tomorrow.

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

Spring/Summer/Winter

"Finally! An iconic advertising image that represents Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter!"

'First snowdrop.'

God's Kitchen

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

'My goodness, is it fall already, Ms. Smyrka?'

A man is sweeping leaves in a museum full of marble statues.

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

The first day of spring has finally arrived! The only think I'll miss about winter is curling up under a warm blanket straight out of the dryer on a frigid night.

"The insurance company needs to see the alleged piece of straw before they’ll process your claim."

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

"We've had to create a whole new area in our filing system for your claim, Mr Butterfield.'

"I realize you want the leaves to finally fall, but I doubt shaking the tree is going to work."

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

Post-Season's Greetings: 'Y'know...a month ago, everyone was all, 'Let me buy you a drink, Santa!' Now suddenly it's, 'Who's the little weirdo in the red suit?'...'

I bet those are accident reports.