Seaside Holiday Gifts

"You usually don't see them so close to people who urinate in the water."

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

"For goodness sake Robert! Put some sun-cream on..."

It wasn't until Joe came out of the water he realized he'd been bitten by a snapper turtle!

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Scene of seagull troops about to charge a picnic.

Ladies by the seaside

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

Waiting for a turn to swim.

'One more hangover like this and I'm going to have to claim for sickness during holiday absence.'

Canada's winter survival kit.

'Beach snowman.'

"How's it look back there?"

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

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"We were thinking about the Himalayas this summer. On the other hand, there's something very special about Montauk."

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

'No, you can't have a stick of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerrychwrudobwllanstisiliogogogoch rock. I'll get you on in Rhyl.'

I told you not to swim out to far

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

"It's a belly button thermometer. When it pops up, I'm done!"

No early morning tea past this landing

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

Man sunbathing on the beach.

'Okay - who removed Jessica's sunhat..?'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Better lose the hat people are staring."

Shrimpsea welcomes car-full drivers.

Sandy Floss

"I'm getting it registered as an historical landmark."

"You're on vacation. Stop trying to type things."

Pre-vacation-burn-out radiology reports.

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."