Sea Therapy Enthusiast Pillows

"It seems to me you may be experiencing some form of low-level depression."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"Postwar is hell."

It beached on a pile of plastic bottles, so they were able to just roll it back out.

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

Couples' therapy

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I don't do windows."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"I tell ya - if I ever stop moving, I'll die."

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.