Scripted Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"You're free to go but next time you want to film on location here, don't tell a passenger you're here to shoot a pilot."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Hollywood producer.

Hollywood producer.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Inactivists"