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'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

Mensa Does Improv

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'Hang on a minute...'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

Hollywood producer.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Actor practising his indian war crys

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"That movie was very familiar...a cute little girl who hangs out with monsters from a secret world."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

TV Situations vacant.

"Great money scenes!"

"Don't forget the screenplay."