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Scrip Doctor

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Hollywood on Strike

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Stop looking at me! Whatcha doing? Practicing my part in the spring play. But it's just a walk-on. Exactly! Some actors just talk the talk. I get to walk the walk.

Audition. Script. He plays every role with that scowl --- His motto is "Anything you can do, I can do bitter."

"It's a proposal about an idea for a concept."

Woody Allen

'Thomas won't stay off the stage. He loves his part in the school play - he's the commercial.'

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

The writing team arrives on set.

"'Goodbye' - is that all I say?"

"Meet the scribe"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

A pretention of playwrights

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Hollywood producer.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Actor practising his indian war crys

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hollywood producer.

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

Eugene Ionesco

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Great money scenes!"

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."