Scrimshaw Artist Gifts

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Texturing the Walls

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'Another nice wave.'

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

Lumberjack Finds Strange Tree Rings

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

A dog whose nose is a gun.

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

'You're not creating another thing till you've tidied your room!'

"It's ok for you! My cartoonist just can't adapt to his new varifocals!!"

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

Non Drip Paint

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

'Allow me to suck the electricity out.'

'Orchestra Pit Bull.'

Small Business Loan of Pencils

"I'm sure it's illegal to pose as a police officer"

Blank canvas on easel is sculptor's model.

It's not a rip in the space-time continuum, Ernie --- Just in the newspaper.

Trainspotting.

8th Annual Chainsaw Carving Competition