Scrimshaw Artist Gifts

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Texturing the Walls

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'Another nice wave.'

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

Lumberjack Finds Strange Tree Rings

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

A dog whose nose is a gun.

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

Non Drip Paint

'You're not creating another thing till you've tidied your room!'

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

"It's ok for you! My cartoonist just can't adapt to his new varifocals!!"

'Allow me to suck the electricity out.'

Small Business Loan of Pencils

"I'm sure it's illegal to pose as a police officer"

Blank canvas on easel is sculptor's model.

Trainspotting.

'Orchestra Pit Bull.'

8th Annual Chainsaw Carving Competition

'Apparently all my creative juices have seeped into the left side of my brain.'