Screw-cap Connoisseur Pillows

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

Theatre Crowd

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

Screw plastic surgeon.

Behind the cow is a manure castle. 'Yeah...It's a gift.'

Bagging the Chipmunk

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

"Everyone who cares about you is here, Frank, because we all feel it's time you quit wearing your baseball cap backwards."

"Like a grind stone cowboy!"

How to Avoid Tears when Peeling Onions

Craft Floss

'Uh-oh! It's the pun police!'

Sewing A Christmas Dress.

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

To warm up touch your toes twenty times. No way! My cap will fall off!

Anti-Litter Machine

"All you are is a pedal and a cable which helps me change gear. One day, you'll break and be useless."

Every day Fred had to make sure he was properly prepared for his job as a social media moderator.

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'It's Jack's homemade Merlot - care for a scoop?'

Cat muggers wait for a fisherman.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" is not a nice thing to say.

"But you told me to invest more money in the product of screws!"

"Welcome Gentlemen, to the screwtop focus group..."

"Y'know, you CAN'T just keep sweeping stuff under the carp forever."

"I've looked everywhere and I can't find what I need, so I'm making my own."

Each one respresents another honor.

Oh great. They're all females and my equipment only uses males.

"I'm making a candlewick spread, so how do I get the wicks out?"

'Why do I choose to paint with wine?--The clean-up.'