Screen Time Satirists Pillows

"Practicing social distancing is nothing new. We've been practicing it for years."

"I was reading this great article about dependence on technology when the battery died."

Occu-Pie Mars

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Soccer kids texting

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

War of Words

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

Gogglebollox: Our Queen at 90

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Kids today

Movie Franchise

Leftie Trump

'Are you okay, Bill?'

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"Well done, doctor. I've never seen a phone removed from a hand so skillfully before."

Other Than That Everything's Perfect

Trump the Shepherdess

Sunset Romance

"The immigrant kids ate the class hamster, my teacher is an agent of Satan, and I got an A."

"What do the know!"

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

"They used the ultimate weapon to drive me away. Taxes."

"It looks suspicious to me. Next thing we know, he'll claim the U.S. is part of Russia."