Screen Addict Satirist Pillows

"You don't have a cell phone with you? That counts as 'nude'."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

"Don't open me, you fool!"

Spooning

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'Secondhand smoke.'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

Gogglebollox: Our Queen at 90

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

2001: A Space Odyssey - Updated

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

Movie Franchise

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

"What do the know!"

Sunset Romance

"I was admitted to heaven, but they didn't have WIFI."

"Thank you for waking me up from the witch's curse! Can you hand me my phone?"

First Place Layabout

"Do I need to remind you that I have a huge Internet following?"

'I'll even throw in 30 days free towing.'