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Audio Books

"Bloody hell!"

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

A pretention of playwrights

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Binary Man

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"Tell us again about the humpback of Notre dame."

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Come in, minion."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

Little Nell as comforter

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

Proceedings of the club

Meet the pop-up author.

'Oh man, every time.'

"It's post-gingerbread."

"'Moby-Dick'? Again?"

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"