Screen Dater Pillows

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Online Dating

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible...

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

Today's love

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

'Long distance romances in the twenty first century.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Romeo,Romeo. Are you online,Romeo"

'Speed dating really works! Our first date was Friday, we married on Saturday, and now I'm happily single again.'

Financially Secure Romantic with sufficient fire in belly seeks damsel in distress...

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

We met online.

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

Online Dating for Dummies

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

'That must be my computer date.'

"You new personality that you downloaded off the Internet makes you irresistible."

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."