Scratch Wizards T-Shirts

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"What's your project for the science fair, Arnold?"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

Newton's Cradle Solar System

"So who is this First pet?"

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

Emma Watson

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

He'll be fine after you reboot him, I've replaced his memory stick.

"Looks like something exciting is happening in R&D."

'Since Bubba acclimated to urban living, we've underbid our competitors because we don't need to build scaffolding or rent a crane.'

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

'Now that's what I CALL a spectacle case.'

Physics: Unified Theory. Luftkopf's work on string theory is all tangled up.

'What's the situation about new wands these days?' - 'You can't beat 'compare wands.com.'

'Try re-installing your system software and turn off any file extensions.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer language

I can be upgraded, can you?

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

"Honey, the toaster is down, but it's already alerted the oven to pre-heat and broil your muffins."

"Ladies and Gentlemen! For my next trick, I will attempt to correctly remember my password..."

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

It's time, sir. Why don't you go first today. Ahem. Monkey Vicodin finance home office. Elongated African banking sex freak. The contest to see who got the day's weirdest email subject line. Spammers, we have a tie.

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

"No, I didn't plant a magic bean. I genetically manipulated the seed."