Scissor Snipper T-Shirts

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"Be creative...!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

The Stripper

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

"Do you mind?"

"Eewww! It still makes a lousy cup of coffee!"

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Randy – you're a male stripper! Senor Stud, ma'am. Don't be a dope. I know it's you. You have me confused with someone else. So this is how you make your money. Does Rudy know? Rudy? I do find the dumb act very sexy. Senor Stud is a Ph.D. In love.

"Isn't that your ex wife?"

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. Please observe our rules. NO making lewd propositions to our performers and absolutely no touching. No touching. Let's me and you honeymoon.

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

Haircuts

'WOOHOOO! Yeah BABY, yeah!' (at a zebra strip show)

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

Dueling marionettes.

Foodie Bank

"At least I won't have to jump out of these silly things for a living any more."

'This tasted a lot better at the trade show, Sammy.'

George Osborne, Autumn Statement - scissorhands.

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'This is just the warm up.'

Afternoon crafts

"Just take a little off the top!"

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

"It won't be much of a holiday for me, did you forget I'm a stripper?"

Stirrbucks

"Call me old fashioned, but I preferred this place before it went all 'equal-opportunity employer'."