Scissor Aficionado T-Shirts

Dueling marionettes.

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

"Be creative...!"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Cello player with pencil instead of bow

'He agreed that she might have a point.'

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Book

Georgian head-dress

'Whoa,Man!...(Phew!)...Boy,that was a close shave!'

Screw plastic surgeon.

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

Pollsters

Pencil sharpeners in hell

'Yes, the wood on this pencil is from a renewable source.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

Women bring a different perspective to watching football.

'Here it is, Your cellphone.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Today's Rapunzel

'Before computers and word processors, we were nerds with slide rules and very sharp pencils!'

Battle.

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

Haircuts

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."