Scientists Gifts

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

"The research proves tall rats are more confident than short rats. At least I think it does. I've never been good at this."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism. Kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

Pavlov's Dog.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

"Of course, it's a highly experimental procedure, but we're trying out new techniques from other disciplines all the time."

Newton - today: 'Help my research! Buy an apple 50 cents.'

'We've created a teenager!'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'Henry, you are undermining the R&D team's confidence.'

"Genetic engineering got us into this mess, and genetic engineering will get us out of it."

Peer Review.

Mammon Stores R and D - "Brainstorm is working on trying to discover the shopoholic gene."

"Look who thinks he's a big shot!"

'My friends, as a result of our experimentation, we have just lost a dear and valued colleague...'

'Good Heavens, you're right - money IS everything!'

"Do you realise it's been eighteen months since you shouted 'eureka'?"

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'Our sensors indicate that this planet's surface is 78% water and the remainder is landfill containing mostly plastics.'

"You lied about conducting cloning experiments in the past. Why should the jury believe you now?"

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

"Good news-they found water on the moon."

"We found her wandering at the edge of the forest. She was raised by scientists."

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

'We're conducting experiments to dertermine which has a longer life, new phone technology, or a fruit fly.'

Microbiology lab.

Ned and Bobby Tilson discover a dwarf planet in their attic.

"Look, until there's a Tinder for pandas, we have to meet the old-fashioned way: being locked in a room together by scientists."

'Your experimental protocol fails to take into consideration, the astrological signs of the fruit flies.'

"We've had to introduce measures lately to stop the entomology department from knocking off early on a Friday."