Scientists Gifts

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

"The research proves tall rats are more confident than short rats. At least I think it does. I've never been good at this."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

Pavlov's Dog.

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism. Kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

"Of course, it's a highly experimental procedure, but we're trying out new techniques from other disciplines all the time."

Newton - today: 'Help my research! Buy an apple 50 cents.'

'We've created a teenager!'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'Henry, you are undermining the R&D team's confidence.'

"Genetic engineering got us into this mess, and genetic engineering will get us out of it."

Peer Review.

Mammon Stores R and D - "Brainstorm is working on trying to discover the shopoholic gene."

"Do you realise it's been eighteen months since you shouted 'eureka'?"

'My friends, as a result of our experimentation, we have just lost a dear and valued colleague...'

'Good Heavens, you're right - money IS everything!'

"Look who thinks he's a big shot!"

'Our sensors indicate that this planet's surface is 78% water and the remainder is landfill containing mostly plastics.'

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

Graduated Cylinders...

"You lied about conducting cloning experiments in the past. Why should the jury believe you now?"

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

'We're conducting experiments to dertermine which has a longer life, new phone technology, or a fruit fly.'

Microbiology lab.

"We found her wandering at the edge of the forest. She was raised by scientists."

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

"Good news-they found water on the moon."

Unknown to the rest of the world, members of the scientific community have been making their own babies to order for quite some time now.

Lab. These must be curing people - Nobody ever comes back for a refill. Optimistic pharmaceutical researchers.

My new invention is awesome. It generates electricity from anger. I don't follow. So many people are ticked off. Why not harness it? We get people to scream their lungs out, then capture and redirect the energy. It's like wind power. This is whine power. If I get angry, I play right into his hands.