Scientific Thinkers Gifts

"Dammit, when will you research people learn that we're running a business here?"

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Thinking Gears

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

Math Dreams

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Sigmund Freud.

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Coronavirus Waves

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"Bonk!"

"Must be another paradigm shift."

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

'"Einstein, Szilard, Teller, Oppenheimer...but you look through the Old Testament and through the Talmud, and there's not a word about physics."

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

You can relax now.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

Joe's Bar: Not Responsible For Lost or Stolen Intellectual Property.

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

"Look, until there's a Tinder for pandas, we have to meet the old-fashioned way: being locked in a room together by scientists."