Scientific Humor Gifts

'I want to be the first person to land on the sun.'

"The doctor will see you now."

"Wait, that's not a star. That's just an alien whose phone has its flashlight on."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

Schrodinger's Black Box

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

How Glaciations Begin

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

The new Physics

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"...I think we've found the missing link!"