Scientific Humor Gifts

'I want to be the first person to land on the sun.'

"The doctor will see you now."

Earthquake Research Society. The meeting's over already? Yep --- it was called to order at 8:00 and adjourned at 8:02 by a motion from the floor.

'Aiiiiiir asteroid!'

"Wait, that's not a star. That's just an alien whose phone has its flashlight on."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Teenagers!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Schrodinger's Black Box

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

How Glaciations Begin

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...