Science Joke Collector Pillows

'Will this prescription interact with the meds already in my drinking water?'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Lactose Intolerant

The Rooster Comedian.

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shark infested custard!

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'