School System Buff Gifts

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

"I don't get it! Why do Young Master have to go to school for years? I learnt everything I needed to know from my mum in a few months. . ."

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Right...you're all in detention until we find out who put the chameleon on the tartan rug!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

A school of fish.

"It's Labor Day! The unofficial last day of summer!"

A new schoolmaster testing students on geography

'He's majoring in cave hydrology with, obviously, the ultimate aim of being a caveman like his Dad.'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

Pharmacy School. We're having a pop quiz. I should have known there'd be surprise drug tests in pharmacy school.

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

This is probably the only time that Clem's name and the title 'Ph.D' will be used in the same sentence.

Rocket science for beginners.

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"I'm putting your math homework in your blue folder – don’t eat it!"

'Mrs. Finnegan put me in the accelerated recess program!'

The Polygon family at home

"Implications of Reaganism."

'It says 'Oxford contains many historic seats of learning.' Take my picture with this one.'

'No, 4 plus 4 isn't 7 Central Time.'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

'Timmy's very bright for his age. He knows nearly all his ABC's!'

"Chris! You've just re-written the same paper you handed in yesterday!" "Well, you said to do it over again."

Cave college: 'I'm too old and slow to hunt, so I ned to apply for grant to study gathering.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"Could you please put my Mom on your no call list?"

'We are looking for highly motivated, confident decisions makers for headships. Is your son such a man, Mrs Smikins?'

'We do not permit bullying or name calling in our school. We will reprimand any student that calls your child a dummy.'

'Take my word for it. The answer is two. I'm a college graduate.'