School Season Gifts

Snacks for Learners

"You might as well go on, son. I don't think they're going to call off school because of the snow storm."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

Evil Exams!

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

"I'll go back to school if you go back to the office."

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

Big Bang Theory.

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

"There are days when I wish we'd never agreed to him changing his spots"

I love PE.

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"