School Year Beginning Gifts

'It's your headmaster, Fatty. He's worried you're being bullied at school.'

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

Evil Exams!

The best PE teacher in the World.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"When I grow up, I don�t know whether to be a stunt amn or a train driver"

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

Big Bang Theory.

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

"I've outgrown my backpack."

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."