School Principal Humorist Pillows

'To maximize classroom instruction, the feng shui consultant advises one student desk per classroom.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

Back to school: The Horror,

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

Mice taking lessons.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

'And what pray tell do I do if the teacher asks me a question?'

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

"I can't believe it! -- My Mom spent $45 on this hairdo, and they still didn't put me in the gifted class!"