School Principal Humorist Pillows

'To maximize classroom instruction, the feng shui consultant advises one student desk per classroom.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

Back to school: The Horror,

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

Mice taking lessons.

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

'That's o.k., Dugan - 'why do I even bother?' was a rhetorical question.'

'And what pray tell do I do if the teacher asks me a question?'

"I can't believe it! -- My Mom spent $45 on this hairdo, and they still didn't put me in the gifted class!"