School Parties Gifts

'The party finished early, our teacher had a nervous breakdown.'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

Yearbook

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

Children's Party

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

Paul goes home for the holidays

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

Bureaucracy gone mad!

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

Vegetarian Birthdays.

'Mr. Smithdon's at his desk, but he's not really there....He's somewhere out there in cyberspace!'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

King of Music.

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

'Leave my biscuit in my in-tray. I'll deal with it in the morning.'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

"In an effort to make this a more pleasant meeting, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales figures chart counter-clockwise a full ninety degrees."

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

"A bunch of kids next door are going berserk with a baseball bat! Call 911. I'm losing candy fast!"

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

'Try one...they're miniature annual reports.'