School Communication Gifts

"Your child gives one hundred percent effort each week, but at the rate of twenty percent per day."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Lynching on social media

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"You're such a good listener."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

This Message Has No Content

ZOOM 'n' GLOOM.

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

Inclusive speech

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."