Scheduling Superstar Gifts

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I've outgrown my backpack."

'Thanks for coming to this 12.01 appointment, but I'm afraid my 12.02 has now arrived.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Bigger Brain

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Gracie, I'm so proud that you made the academic decathlon team! Here...have some of my special green tea! Ithelps you concentrate and improves your memory!"

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Workaholics Anonymous - Hourly General Meeting

I downloaded some SAT practice tests. I'll time you. Ok. Ready. "If Ann spends every day obsessing over stupid tests,

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

"We started learning about units of measurement in math class, but I don't really understand it, so I've got an acre of homework to do."

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict

"You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15."

Waiting for the results.

"Your three o'clock moved to two o'clock, your two o'clock moved to one o'clock, and your one o'clock said you're fired."

George Best

There's nothing awesome to see at the movies these days. What're you talking about? Avengers 2 just came out. I know. It's been out for like an entire weekend. It's old news. The next blockbuster is "Mad Max," and that's not out until the 15th! Hollywood is totally neglecting the entire May 4th-to-May-15th window! That kind of gaping hole is unconscionable. You can always watch "In the Name of My Daughter."

OK, so maybe we've all overscheduled our kids a little.

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

Life Tetris

If I move Jen's ortho to Friday, it conflicts with Sam's clarinet, but I can't move that to Monday because Tina has soccer! Ugh, how do I line this thing up? Rubik's Calendar.

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

Sports Agency. In my work as a sports agent, I told this athlete she needs to improve if she wants to be well-known. Ironically, in diving you become famous by not making a splash! I got this marathon competitor a sponsorship so he can focus on training. He's going to take the money and run! This sprinter will earn a bonus if he sets a record. Oh, going after some fast money! And I made this guy agree to give me an extra slice of his pay if I negotiated a great contract for him which I di