Scheduling Ironists Gifts

"Lunch on Tuesday? I won't be free. How about Thursday week?"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

Why Superman flies himself

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

Body by Jake

'for more obit info, go to...'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Your job will be to worry about the unimportant things.'

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

'After our downsizing drive, there won't be room for you within our organization, Holbrooke. However, we would like to retain your services as a corporate clown.'

'They didn't kick me upstairs after all -- they threw me down the elevator shaft!'

Foreclosed

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

'Johnson gave it to Wilson to give to Adams to give to O'Connor to give to Anderson to give to me to give to you to get it done right away.'

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

Sartre's E-Mail

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'I stole it from the library.'

Unbeknown to other, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

General says, 'Gentlemen, no more war. Because of health concerns they've recalled everything that contains lead, like our bullets.'

'Rest assured, your fear of harpoons is anything but irrational.'

Income Tax Return

"Honey, guess what? My therapist finally got me to cry!"