Schadenfreude Enthusiast Pillows

Schadenfreude

"Worse Off Alumni Quarterly"

"It's less a funeral and more a celebration of his death."

"I wish I could arrange my timeline according to who's the most miserable."

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

The first car accident.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

On the brink.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

Caution signs.

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

Health and safety notice falling on builder.

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Wear a helmet

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'Airbag safety feature.'