Scent Satirist Gifts

Decrepto

Thanks to his new rotting carcass cologne, Bill never had problems finding a seat on the subway.

Illogic Tree

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'Have you any W fronts?'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

The Inventor of the Man Bun!

Donald Glover

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Daniel Craig caricature

Sir Earnest Rutherford splits the opium.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

Phone Mittens

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

"I'm going to use Aversion Therapy. Get better or pay me $300 an hour."

"Welcome aboard, Withers. Now just go see Personnel on seven, and Pants on twelve."

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

Home for the Holidays

'Okay you can get dressed. That will help me determine the billing.'

"This time lick my entire body."

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"Riddle your salad with pepper, sir?"

Stay at home

Right, like you're the first shrink to recommend aromatherapy.

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'