Scavenger Humor Fan Pillows

'Got anything past its expiration date?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I lettered in spelling."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

Alarmistclock

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Safety Barriers

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

'The kidnappers want 500.000,- Euros for the boss. I offered them 600.000,- Euro to keep him.'

Men working (part time).

Bro of Frankenstein

"I don't need to take notes. I'm wearing a wire."

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

"I'd like to take a few minutes to make a series of promises I have no intention of keeping."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"It floated. I want my money back."

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'