Scavenger Humor Fan Prints

'Got anything past its expiration date?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

"I lettered in spelling."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Alarmistclock

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Safety Barriers

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

'The kidnappers want 500.000,- Euros for the boss. I offered them 600.000,- Euro to keep him.'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

Bro of Frankenstein

Men working (part time).

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"I don't need to take notes. I'm wearing a wire."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"I'd like to take a few minutes to make a series of promises I have no intention of keeping."

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Waiter thinks drowning man is asking for 5 beers

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"It floated. I want my money back."

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"