Scatterbrained Souls Gifts

"Dry cleaning, pet store, Salvation Army - I'd be lost without my stickies on the dash!"

The Artist

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"I'm the mommy and he's the daddy and Teddy is the #@&&!# kid who keeps us from having time to do anything!"

"I'm not whining."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"The thing about society is that it gives me such anxiety..."

"Those are all my passwords."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

Sometimes a Good Excuse to Get off the Telephone is Hard to Find