Scathing Review Enthusiast Pillows

"I like bad movies. I don't watch them, but I love the scathing reviews."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

Filling the Missile Gap

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

An acceptable level of TV violence.

The Real Russian history

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

"For five starts it's worth the trip."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

Grumpy Old Men

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

Art is a cruel mistress.

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Sucking Up to Gen X

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

Ezra Pound

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

Editor