Scale Scrutinizer Gifts

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

Critisize your weight.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

Nuclear Security Summit

CATCHY NAME

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

What your guitar says about you.

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

Woman and sport trainer

"There must be an app for this..."

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

Sitting down

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

'Hey, there's a spot - pull in there!'

Bar None

'See a doctor. Your cholesterol is twice your weight.'

'I think it's having a core melt down!'

Gonzo Marketing - batteries not included in batteries.

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

"My wife is quite keen on checking the finer details before we sign anything."

My diet is working! I'm almost down to what I didn't want to get up to!

The System is a Punishment for a Past Life

'Whaddya mean the scale keeps flashing tilt?'

Are we what we eat and what do we actually eat?

'The danger of similar packaging.'

Bring down the Airlines.

"I don't think it matters is you choose metric or imperial."

'Of course you realize my gold crown adds a lot to my weight.'

'I knew there was a catch! Only fifty calories per serving but one small box contains eight serviings.'

'I removed the sugar, artificial flavors, coloring, preservatives, and additives. Now the eight ounce box weighs four ounces.'

'One four ounce serving supplies minimum daily requirement of butylated hydroxyanisole...'

"$865 attorney fee, $198 title insurance fee, $150 administration fee, $135 title search fee, and heck, let's add a $200 'at this point the client probably won't notice anyway' fee."

"I wouldn't spend too long reading it - the first payment's almost due."