Scale Denier Pillows

"Everyone knows you can't disturb a nesting bird. I guess we'll have to postpone our diet."

Secretive Weigh In.

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Critisize your weight.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I don’t care that muscle weighs more than fat. I only know I work out here and gain 5 pounds!"

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

Shrink

What your guitar says about you.

Woman stands on scales, holds bunch of balloons.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

Woman and sport trainer

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

Sitting down

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'To make matter worse, our combined weight is higher than our credit score.'

A sleeping couple

'When did these start coming with privacy protection?'

'See a doctor. Your cholesterol is twice your weight.'

'I think it's having a core melt down!'

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'

'Whaddya mean the scale keeps flashing tilt?'

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

Weight and Fortune.

Crater Lake

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

'What about your underwear? That must weigh a pound or two.'

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

"I don't think it matters is you choose metric or imperial."

I want you to assess your own abilities on a scale of one to ten, - 'Okay,' - 'Intelligence,' - 'Five,' - 'Confidence' - 'Five,' - 'Social Skills' - 'Five,' - 'Why do you think you've rated them all as five' - 'I forgot to ask if ten was good or bad,'