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"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Audio Books

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"What did Jesus order?"

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

William Tell

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

Fairy tale

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'