Savanna Smiler Pillows

"Stop right there, it's my stockbroker: I have to take this!"

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

Ski lift.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

"...lettuce pray."

"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

Envelopes.

"How many times are young going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"

Lioness taking a break

"These are my parents, the bingers. Mom binges on shows, and dad on food."

"Why don't I go brush my teeth."

'He was offered a role in a sitcom and has the potential to be a successful child actor. We've already set up a legal defense fund.'

"The smile is courtesy of Photoshop."

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

Defeatists Anonymous will meet here tonight at...oh, what's the use? It's not like we're going to solve our problems or anything.

Chin up!

"I told you, he's off limits. He does all out tech support."

"Have you washed your hands..?"

TV. "Seinfeld" was just the first --- Now there are a lot of shows about nothing.

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

'I'm sorry, but zoning laws only allows roads made out of lo-cal gravel.'

Yeah, maybe so, but you're not higher up on the food chain. (Published originally on April 28, 2009.)

"It was their idea to make you breakfast in bed."

"What's wrong, Joey? You're whistling. You never whistle."

Man reading a newspaper. Trophy head of giraffe reading over his shoulder.

A lion says 'Let us prey.'