Satirical Observer Gifts

'At the end of that round the score now stands at...'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From 1040 Schedule 'A' Line 15 Gifts by cash or check.."

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"Excuse me, have you seen a large gent with a red coat and face to match."

Planning Office - Acquired by Tesco

"Then it is agreed. The problem's not our fault, because the country's run by low-level bureaucrats."

'By opening this envelope, and taking out this letter you have voluntarily agreed to buy product...'

"So you're looking for a well paid, non job - how about trying a government quango?"

Man Imprisoned in Christmas Gift: 'Help!'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"We're not friends-she just e-mails me things I'm not interested in."

'Well, besides 'liar, liar, pants on fire', how do you feel about our candidate?'

WORLD ENDS TODAY!..OR NOT!

"It's a concept whose flexibility we try to fully explore, but I wouldn't describe honesty as a policy."

Obesity: Mechanical & Biological.

"It was his favorite app."

Department of Redundancy

A man walks past a homewares store that has a large sign in the window that reads "Appliance Riot! - Everything in stock priced at least 15% lower than this time next year".

"What's the country coming to when ordinary people like us can hardly afford our second cars, third tvs and fourth holidays anymore?"

Do you think it's too late to go into the ambassador business? Little buddy … It's never too late to … wait … "ambassador business"? It's all about the money, right? If you donate enough money to the right politician, you get to be ambassador to a tropical paradise. HOJ. You don't have any money to donate to anyone. I made a kickstarter page.

"Remember when 'The sky's the limit' was something we wanted to hear?"

Road signs point to various things to buy including "women's wear", "office supplies" and "household appliances".

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

"Your job will be to bang your head against this wall from nine to five each day."

If these are people, what are those things I see walking along the streets of Newark, New Jersey every day? People.

Jimmy says his parents are gone all the time, so they give him stuff to buy his affection. Do you think we could try that?

"We assure residents that safety is our main motivation for installing automated speed enforcement cameras in town."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"Die alone"

"The village shaman said if we stay on this path, we can’t miss the Walmart."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

Cost of living crisis starvation

"Maybe a virus rally was a bad idea."

"We're panic eating."