Satirical Birth Planner Gifts

Too posh to push - Cesarean Clinic.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Babies.

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

Nanny with children on leash

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

This site acquired for yet another housing development.

Baby boom expected due to corona

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'To make a long story short, your biological clock has jet lag.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

Dr. Mary G. Wells Obstetrician. Open Labor Days.

Don't walk on the grass.

"What what of all the dates I couldn't save, Jimmy."

In it for the long haul.

'Lorna?! Jack?! So how long has THIS been going on?'

"We need a vacation..."

'Remove this - it's libelous!'

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 guests?'

'Got anything smaller?'

"... Till death us do part."

'But I take the pill everytime I become pregnant, and it doesn't help.'

"I thought about what you said and I've outlined a plan."

"Of course contributing to Sally's wedding gift is strictly voluntary...naturally I'llave to list you as not contributing on the company website!"

'Seven days' free approval or no - I tell you it's stuck!'