Satire Sufferer Gifts

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You're fired."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

Occu-Pie Mars

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'That's our mission statement.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Life is for the birds.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)