Satire Sufferer Gifts

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"You're fired."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Occu-Pie Mars

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'That's our mission statement.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Life is for the birds.

Build your very own conflict of interest!

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)