Satire And Irony Loves Gifts

Covid pollution

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

U of Debt

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"She wishes to range free!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Police film evidence

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.