Love And Irony Aficionado Gifts

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

End the Winter Blues

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

You're Out Of Order

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."