Life's Irony Lover Gifts

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."