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'500 channels...surely there must be something worth watching.'

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

TV-Man

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

TV jester.

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

"Which news channel should we watch?"

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

100 best beheadings

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"He's an indoor cat."

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Child hooking into a television

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

Couch and Potato

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'